A Support Group for Recovering Hover-Moms: Because Teenagers Don't Come with a Manual

"A Support Group for Parents of Teens: Because We Need Survival Tips and Therapy, Stat"

So, I'm sitting in my usual corner at the local coffee shop or you can call it my unofficial therapist's office, sipping on my third cup of sanity pondering the mysteries of life, and it hits me—why on Earth is there no support group for moms who now have teenagers? I’m not talking about some solemn circle where everyone nods in agreement and clinks coffee mugs. no-holds-barred group for parents who are staring down the barrel of teenage independence with a mixture of pride, confusion, and a deep, existential “What the heck happened?!” I mean, seriously, where’s the hotline for moms whose kids are hell-bent on growing up without a single signed permission slip from us?

I’m talking about a tribe of recovering, hovering moms. You know, the ones who’ve built their entire existence around making sure their kids’ lives are less traumatic than their own. I’ve spent years perfecting the art of preventing chaos, only to realize that my precious little ones are now turning into these independent humans who mostly need me for, let’s face it, cash. Because, obviously, they have all the answers to life already. And if they don’t? No problem. Becca’s got it covered with a TikTok tutorial.

We need a tribe for the recovering hover-moms. You know who you are—the ones who’ve spent 95% of your waking hours making decisions to shield your kids from the trauma you lived through. But now, those tiny humans who once depended on you for everything have evolved into these almost-adults who mostly need you to fund their latest escapades. If it’s not about cash, they don’t need you, because Becca and TikTok have it all figured out. So, where’s the support group that will help us figure out how to breathe through the eye rolls and "you just don't get it" sighs?

Where’s the group chat for parents who are trying to figure out how to love each other again? Because, real talk: kids grow up, and suddenly, it’s just the two of you in a house that has somehow become a "no affection" zone. And yeah, there have been moments when a simple date night turned into a financial analysis of whether you can swing a hotel room just to get, well, a little "quality time" because teenagers never actually go to bed. They're always awake. Always. So, now you’re budgeting for flowers and hotel rooms, and when your partner brings you roses, your inner voice screams, “Total waste of money!” because hello, I’m a #Plantmom. And yeah, he should’ve gotten a potted plant, but then again, half of those are practically begging for water because, despite the hashtag, I have my priorities, okay?

And let's not even start on the “mommy brain” that never goes away. It just evolves into “teen mom brain,” where every child takes a piece of your sanity and runs with it like they’re on some sort of twisted relay team. Three kids in, and now you’re a solid contender for the Bat Sh*t Crazy Olympics, waving your little flag proudly.

So, yeah, maybe what we really need is a circle of support—like, “Hi, I’m Jess, and I’m a mom of teens who needs to hear that I’m not crazy, I’m pretty, I’m kind, and I’m important.” And maybe, just maybe, we’ll figure out how to carve out a little piece of happiness in this new chapter of life.

Who's in?

Fun and Silly Tips for Surviving Parenting Teens (While We Wait for Someone to Start This Support Group)

1. Start a “Parents of Teens” Fight Club (Metaphorically). Not like the literal one because let’s be honest, none of us have time for a trip to the ER. This is more like a mental Fight Club where you scream into a pillow or wrestle with your sanity. Bonus points if you pair this with a good cry in the shower and a glass of wine (or three).

2. Budget for "Secret Dates" with Your Partner. Here’s the thing: with teenagers in the house, it’s like living with roommates who never leave. They’re always awake, always lurking, always watching. So, you’ve got to get creative! Get yourself a “Date Night Jar.” Fill it with all the cheap, fun date ideas: watching the sunset, dancing in the living room with headphones on, or getting that hotel room just to remind each other why you still pay rent.

3. Send Yourself Flowers (From Your Partner). Let’s be real: flowers are pretty but they die. And you’re a #PlantMom, which means your plants are already hanging on by a thread. So instead, start a tradition of sending yourself flowers with notes like “You’re doing great!” and “You still got it!” Not only does it boost your spirits, but it also confuses the heck out of the kids. Win-win.

4. Create a "Sanity Swap." If you have friends in the same teen boat, start a "Sanity Swap." You take their kids for a night, and they take yours the next. Your teenagers will be mildly irritated by this, but it guarantees at least one evening of peace in your own home. And honestly, isn’t that what we’re all after?

5. Invent Creative Consequences for Teen Shenanigans. Forget grounding—they’ll just scroll TikTok in their rooms. Instead, consider innovative consequences like “For every eye roll, you owe me ten minutes of watching a 90s sitcom with me,” or “You have to fold the laundry while listening to my motivational podcasts.” Suddenly, their antics become a lot less frequent.

6. Carve Out "Silent Disco" Time. Teenagers have this magical ability to fill silence with noise—be it blasting music, slamming doors, or just breathing loudly. Get yourself a pair of noise-canceling headphones and have a “Silent Disco Hour” where everyone in the house shuts up. It’s blissful.

7. Set Up a Weekly "Therapy Karaoke" Session. Yes, you read that right. Therapy meets karaoke. Pick a song that speaks to your current mental state (think: "I Will Survive" or "We Are the Champions"), and just belt it out. Nothing brings more clarity than screaming power ballads while your kids cringe in the background.

8. Accept That Your “Cool Mom” Days Are Over (Sort Of). Listen, at some point, you just have to lean into the chaos. Wear the goofy mom jeans, try the TikTok dance, or mispronounce “Becca’s Bae’s” name just for fun. The more embarrassing you are, the more your teens will realize you’re in this for the long haul.

So, who’s starting this support group? Because in between trying to reclaim some sanity, finding time to actually talk to your partner, and Googling “fun things to do now that the kids don’t need me,” I think we could all use a little help. I mean, we’re all just trying to get to that sweet spot where we can say, “Hey, I’m not crazy. I’m a recovering hover-mom just doing my best.” Who’s in?

XOXO

Jess Pye